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Ben Wilson

Ben Wilson

ben wilson This is the blog of a one Ben Wilson, a Louisville, Kentucky native who enjoys baseball, beer, music, bikes, things that fly and good food. By day he pushes pixels and makes the Internet happen for a local advertising agency. His wife, Kelly is an Ironman, and his baby Amelia is the cutest thing ever.

The more I read TV Go Home, the more I find it uproariously funny. Published bi-weekly, or is it bi-monthly? Whatever, every two weeks, it is. In any case, it’s set up like a page from TVGuide, except if TVGuide had the bollocks (it’s English, you see) to tell it how it really is. Every word, every disturbing little thought on this page skewers oh-so-perfectly the tv/radio/internet/infotainment cliche ever imagined.

There are recurring themes involved here, from weekly descriptions of “The Ten Tasks of One-Armed, One-Legged Hercules” to the occasional “Holiday Special. I don’t know how they manage to come up with such incredibly spot-on bits of humor, all the more incisive and uproariously funny as TheOnion.

Well, get on with it! Go read it. You’ll enjoy.

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 23 2001 ~ 9:40 am ~ Comments (5) ~
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Well, a few years ago, my beloved girlie-friend Kelly introduced me to “Blenheim“, a strong ginger-ale that was served at Heine Brothers Coffee here in Louisville. Wowee-wow-wow was this stuff intense! Head-sweatinging hot, but not the sort of hot that hurts (like salsa or Indian death fire).

Well, Heine Brothers decided to bump down from the “Hot” version of Blenheim (apparently there is a “Not So Hot” version (and a “Diet” version) — and I longed for the lid-flipping “Hot” style — and I have found it for sale locally! At the Fresh Market (no website as I can tell) on Shelbyville Road. Rejoice! Rejoice!

As I come to find out, this stuff has been brewed in South Carolina by a tiny little company since 1903 — and it is considered a treasure of that state, and the South, really. Now, God knows I love some state-favorite ginger ales, and this is no exception. So, if you get a chance — get some Blenheim — and a glass of water, you’ll need it.

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 20 2001 ~ 4:27 pm ~ Comments (3) ~
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New pics in the gallery from the Kentucky State Fair are up!

Also, some pics from the Revenge of the Panini are up. Pretty uneventful there, but for posterity’s sake — here they are.

Kelly and I went to the fair today. Many people I know have an aversion to the fair, but frankly, I love it. Not for the expensive beer and the crap-filled Midway, but for the animals, art, and the various and sundry people you see there… There are quite a few shots of some of the excellent art found there — photographic and otherwise. You should check it out… Enjoy!

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 17 2001 ~ 11:01 pm ~ Comments Off ~
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Another day older and deeper in debt. No, wait, that’s what Tennessee Ernie Ford gets you.

The Palestinians fight for land claimed for them in a book about a guy with decent core ideas.

The Israelis defend the land they sit on claimed for them in a book about a guy with decent core ideas.

Attack! Counter-Attack! Bomb! Snipe!

What would Muhammad/the Prophet/God/Allah do? I’m sure he’d shake his/her head and think “woah nelly! we are merely people who put forth ideas of love.”

And then they would be killed because they are standing across the wrong line.

Go watch Dogma.

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 15 2001 ~ 9:16 am ~ Comments Off ~
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dav urban: ya know whats wrong with the interent?
dav urban: http://www.love.com

Server Error
This server has encountered an internal error which prevents it from fulfilling your request. The most likely cause is a misconfiguration. Please ask the administrator to look for messages in the server’s error log.

dav urban: their ain’t no love man
dav urban: no love at all
BenCorvus: that is comedy
BenCorvus: it made me chuckle

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 13 2001 ~ 4:05 pm ~ Comments Off ~
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If you peruse any internet news or entertainment sites you probably already know that the title of the next Star Wars film has been announced.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.

Everyone hates it. The fans hate it. Ewan Mcgregor hates it. Penny Arcade hates it. I hate it. So it seems like now might be a good time for a reminder.

These are children’s movies. Some of them, such as Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace, are not even particularly good children’s movies. There are plenty of other potentially good movies coming out that are far worthier of your attention.

And if you are looking for an examination of the basic concept of good versus evil that is intelligent, stylishly directed, emotionally resonant, and brilliantly acted, may I direct you to M. Night Shyamalan’s film Unbreakable? There now, isn’t everything better?

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 9 2001 ~ 1:26 pm ~ Comments (5) ~
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you may or may not have noticed that the “theLocust radio widget” seems curiously different. It is currently up and running, and i’ll try to keep it that way. The mp3 streamer i’m using keeps getting better. I’m considering a web interface soon. Just like i’m considering a billion other things to soak up my time like a wet sponge. Yay!

Listen — rock.

filed under General and then tagged as
~ 12:49 am ~ Comments (3) ~
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Some of you loyal theLocust.org readers will remember my run-in with Pablo Escobar a little while back… well, RSteven880 (as he is known on AOL, and subsequently on AIM) has been popping up on AIM recently — what follows is a hilarious outtake between RSteven880 and my friend and colleague, Geoff.

My favorite line — You are the sacred one who possesses the most beautiful leather cheerio

Read on for the complete transcript{more}

RoyalTrux666: Climb Mount Niitaka
RSteven880
: huh?
RSteven880: who are you/
RoyalTrux666: Please tell Col. Round-Eye to say
no more.

RSteven880
: what?
RoyalTrux666: this must be done by dawn.
RoyalTrux666
: Or many will miss lunch.
RSteven880
: i don’t know anyone named dawn to
tell to do it

RoyalTrux666: by dawn refers to a time, not a
person

RoyalTrux666
: You are the sacred one who
possesses the most beautiful leather
cheerio

RSteven880
: huh?
RoyalTrux666: the most splendiferous
cavity known to man

RoyalTrux666
: I should not be suprised if it
were to tear asunder and from it’s gaping
depths — rose petals

RoyalTrux666
: that is the beauty and grace
of the leather cheerio that you — and you
alone — possess

RoyalTrux666: Please
RoyalTrux666
: Keep it safe
RSteven880
: what the hell are you talking about?
RoyalTrux666: I may have said too much.
Please forgive me if you are not indeed the
chosen one.

RSteven880
: um ok… just trying to figure out who
you are

RoyalTrux666: My true name must never be
spoken by an american

RSteven880
: well, i’m not an american
RoyalTrux666:
http://www.ecnet.net/users/gemedia1/alum94
b.html

RoyalTrux666: this is NOT you?
RoyalTrux666
: My friend, I am afraid that
there may have been a horrible mistake in
contacting you for this mission.

RSteven880
: well, i hope no one self destructs
when the message is over… if it’s ever over

RoyalTrux666: That would be silly
RSteven880
: as silly as this whole conversation
since i have no idea who you are…

RoyalTrux666: Our organization is here to
help the Pablos of the world get better
adjusted…we mean absolutely no harm to
any nonliving creature

RSteven880
: um ok
RSteven880: i don’t know any pablo
RoyalTrux666: We seek those with
intelligence and media saavy to help our
cause

RoyalTrux666
: Sorry for the mistake
RoyalTrux666
: please, cdo carry on.
RoyalTrux666
: c
RoyalTrux666
: c
RoyalTrux666
: c
RoyalTrux666
: c
RoyalTrux666
: oh my
RSteven880
: well, the media likes to follow people
that are honest abou twho they are…

RSteven880 signed off at 5:40:40 PM.
RoyalTrux666: I have not misrepresented
myself. Nor have I telephone-machined
anyone regarding this matter, late at night
or otherwise


Previous message was not received by
RSteven880 because of error
: User
RSteven880 is not available.

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 6 2001 ~ 10:10 pm ~ Comments Off ~
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Again, the August 2nd thru 4th gallery is up.

August 3rd — Friday, our last full day in town. Jessica had been interested in taking a kayak tour of the island, which sounded pretty cool to me, and Eve had also expressed interest. So, after getting some information from the marina, we decided to rent single canoes for 4 hours (a “half day”), for about $40. A pretty good deal, I thought, considering that a half day guided tour was about $75.

We set off from the marina up the intercoastal waterway, and went nearly to the ocean, and back down Morgan and Cedar Creeks. Here is a map of it from MapQuest.

Click on the MORE button to read the rest of it…
{more}

Well, going up the Intercoastal Waterway, we had a pretty good headwind most of the way, which got more and more stiff as we rounded Pine Island, and nearer the ocean. As I paddled up the waterway, a jumbo shrimp jumped on my kayak! It was pretty big, as big as a hand anyway, and was clear and translucent. Pretty wacky. But just remember — Watch out for shrimp! It looked at me with its beady little eyes, and slipped back into the water. We continued on, despite tasty crustaceans. The winds got a little more stiff, and as we made our way up to the opening of Morgan Creek, we were struggling a little. The entrance to the creek is guarded by a long stretch of marsh, a thin outcropping of mud, which made for a reasonably shallow coastline. As I was continuing up the coastline, I noticed out of the corner of my eye something in the lapping waves next to the coast, about 20 ft ahead of me. I looked harder, and lo and behold, a shark fin! And a little dark tip, too! A blacktip shark, I think! He gals! Lookee! A shark! Eve flips out, and so does Jessica, and ben attempts to maintain composure (and rightfully so! I was more than a little concerned, but in retrospect, probably shouldn’t have been). Well, we then proceed to paddle like hell past that point, into the wind, I might add. It was rough. I made a large circle to keep myself off of the marsh, and landed on the beach. Eve did the same, but mostly because she was attempting to avoid the shark (yikes!). However, Jessica got stuck on the very outside edge of the marsh. As she turned, and the wind broadsided her, she was blown into the mud. About 50ft away was the beach where Eve and I sat — and Jessica was stuck, and couldn’t get off.

So I hop back into my kayak, and paddle to the other side, going to give her a pull off. As I reach her kayak, and she asks me what she should do, I see a fin pop out of the water (the size of a small child’s hand) about 2-3 ft from the tip of her kayak! “Oh, hold on Jessica, wait to push off!” — “Is it a shark?” — “Uh, er, uh no, NO! Not at all definitely not a shark!”. Well, Jessica managed to push herself off the mud island, and we made to the beach.

So, we sat there, feeling relieved, excited, and perhaps a little silly for ourselves, being so afraid of these sharks. I think that the water itself is generally scary. God only knows what else lurks in the deep! Sharks, shrimp, flying fish, oh my! As I was watching a guy fish for sharks on the beach, I saw yet another fin pop out of the water — about 6 feet from the guys leg!! I said “Hey buddy — there is a shark next to your leg!” and he responded “Alright! Lookit there!”. And casted his rod in the general direction.

He mentioned that there were some 4 – 4 1/2 foot Blacktip sharks caught right near were Jessica was stranded, and that “They’d only take a bite out of your leg or somethin’” — Hey! Sounds great! Just a play bite, right? Like your little puppy or something. Well, it was all very invigorating, and we pushed off down the creek, thankful to put the shark-infested intercoastal behind us. It was rather dreamy, really. Nothing but marsh on either side of us, the occassional jumping fish and the statuesque heron in a tree or on a dock. The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful, though I did get us turned around a bit at a confusing point on the map. Oh well, it was very serene, and really cool, though I think I’ll stick to river kayaking for the time being. Ain’t no catfish gonna bite me, that’s for sure. hehe…

We then retired home, shoulders aching from the journey — we got some pictures, by the way, though they were taken with a waterproof 35 mm camera. Scans soon!

filed under General and then tagged as
~ 4:36 pm ~ Comments Off ~
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Of all of the times for this frickin’ Telocity connection to go down, it would be while I’m in South Carolina, 715 miles and 10.5 hours away!

Well, so Aug 2, 3 and 4th will be in this one section. There are sadly few pictures from those days, but plenty of witty insight and commentary, for sure.

Read on for a day-by-day. Dancing! Sirens! Sharks! Shrimp! One Eyed Parrots! Oh my!
{more}

August 02 – Wednesday

More beach wackiness today. No vicious animal attacks or anything, but later that night, we finally tracked down a dance club that was A) Open, B) Okay with underage peeps (that like “urban beats”, C) NOT a dormitory and D) fully equipped with the latest in ear-pierce sirens. This was, of course Club Tango, a reasonably cool 3-story wharehouse style dance club.

But before I get into that, we had originally planned on dining at Soul Vegetarian South, a vegetarian Soul Food restaurant that I was pretty interested in eating at. Well, we drive into a reasonably homey looking part of town, and find that Soul Vegetarian south (which is related to other Soul Vegetarian South restaurants in the South, including Georgia) is connected to a day-care, and was CLOSED! Or, at least it was closed to us. A goddamned shame, I must say. I love visiting other cities and eating at hole-in-the-wall places. We instead ate at Joe Pasta’s, a cool little restaurant near Club Tango. It was sorta like build-your-own pasta. We had some Niebaum-Coppola Wine, which was tasty, by my shoddy wine standards. We then entered – CLUB TANGO!

The doorman had a preposterously solemn look on his face, and after being kicked off the 3rd floor (“You aren’t on the list!”) of the club, Hunter and I took our seats at the railing on the second floor, while the girls and Nick danced. It was a cool little club, I must say. I loved the sofas and comfy chairs that lined the perimeter of the club (and the floors above as well). All in all, a good atmosphere. The music was loud, but not oppressive, and it was mainly dance and trance with some “Urban Beats” — as Jessica Slack put them — thrown in.

Now, the only annoying part of the night, other than what is described later, was this GOD-AWFUL siren. Now, the first time it went of, I thought “wow. That was horrible. but ok. I’ll accept that one time, and maybe the DJ will learn”. Well, this siren would apparently go off to warn everyone that DJ WhiteDork would be making a horrible break in the near future. The siren worked wonderfully, as a siren should. A siren should alert people to something, and be louder than all surrounding noise to ensure this alertness by the people. Well, that siren was alerting like a motherfuck (pardon my French, but DAMN). The longest siren blast was 25 seconds. Nearly one half of a minute folks. And at more and more exceedingly random times. Nick was in fact praying to God to make it stop. I saw his hands clapped together towards the heavens, and “Like a Prayer” wasn’t even on the mix. Wow. So, if I ever open a dance club, it will surely be siren free.

I guess I should explain why I didn’t dance. I don’t mind dancing. I danced like a madman at Chuck and Danna’s wedding, and at that little Swing Fest Kelly and I went to. It’s fun! It’s good exercise, and the music is good. It’s just that most of the guys — the straight ones, anyway — seem to have the idea that they have open charter to grope and grind anyone they please at these clubs. You walk through the door, and it’s like it’s open season. It gives me a bad, bad vibe, and I’ve never been real comfortable with it. I don’t even want to be related to those kind of guys, and I don’t want to be associated with them in any manner. It really just creeps me out. I enjoyed the music, and I enjoyed watching people, but I just can’t get involved when I feel as though the surroundings are eating away my moral fiber.

I didn’t want to be a partay-poo-pear, though. Kelly kept apolgizing to me saying that she knew “You are in your own personal hell”. Just because I don’t enjoy a certain aspect of a happening doesn’t mean that I didn’t at least find it interesting. Very rarely do I oppose something, or find it distasteful. Disrespect of women is one of those things that I find abhorrant. In fact, most displays of misogynistic behavior are not something I enjoy. But in any case, the music was good, and I’m glad that I went, rather than staying at home.

And so ends Thursday, August 2nd.

Tune in tomorrow for August 3rd and 4th — lots of good stuff there

filed under General and then tagged as
Aug 5 2001 ~ 11:13 pm ~ Comments Off ~
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